Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had

Given

Their new wives duties to perform.

Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had

Told

His new wife to do all the dishes and house cleaning in the house.

He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came

Home

To a clean house and all the dishes were cleaned and put away.

James had married a woman from Australia and he bragged that he

Had

Given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.

He told them the first day he didn't see any results, but the

Next

Day it was better and by the third day his house was clean, the dishes done

And there was a huge meal on the table.

The third man said the he had married a Yorkshire girl. He

Boasted

That the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house cleaned,

Dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the

Table

Every day.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he

Didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down

And he could see a little bit out of his left eye. Enough to fix

Himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a landscaper.

Nothing much happening in the Rotherham household today. Done some washing and cleaning, Matt is in his room and Abi out with friends so peace reigns.

I'm listening to music, Dr hook, James Morrison, Damien Rice and Kylie so far today; and playing a little online bingo.

Ami called and Oskar has gone from walking a few steps to running everywhere, it's so hard when they are so far away. We plan to go down at half term but that seems so long to wait.

Off work tomorrow, not a 4 day week though cos i am going to work Saturday to make up for it. Hospital appointment at 11am and dentist with Abi at 3.30. Lee is 39 tomorrow so we are off out for tea.

Anyhoo... rambling on...I'm off to win some money

The phenomenal power of the human mind

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid! Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh, and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom", he asked, "are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

Thanks to my sister in law Siw for the joke

This working malarky is very tiring.

Been a very productive week. Worked out with my manager the project I am doing will take 112 hours, and I have 120 working hours before the deadline, no pressure then!

As the new me will no longer work from home out of working hours I need to make sure I keep deadlines, or let her know if things slip.

All was going great, then yesterday happened.

Our business used to be split into two areas, both coming under the name NSC. I used to work on one side, but changed roles just before I went off ill, taking me out of the business I had worked on since joining the company in 2002. That part of the business is now my client.
Without saying too much, the last 6 months in that position were the worst time of my life (workwise) and despite loving my role I applied for a new one and walked away. Yesterday I had to meet with that side of the business and it was obvious that the people who were instrumental in the witch hunt against me are still not done, and I wasted 2 hours and came away with nothing.
I was really enjoying being back, but came home yesterday with a heavy heart.

Anyone need a Customer Service Manager out there?????

Having watched Jade Goody on Big Brother's little Brother and been informed of how she was on GMTV; I have to say i feel sorry for her.

Yes she is a gobby ignorant cow! but having watched BB I do not think she is racist. She uses the wrong words at time and is ignotrant to other cultures. In my book Danielle is the real nasty one.
Jade is a bully, she has held her hands up to her wrong doings/ So what do the papers do? relish her downfall and continue to bully her!!

Hi all, thanks for all your kind comments on yesterday's bog.

Well, I am officially a working person! Very strange how things have changed.
Just before I became ill, we, as a company were bought out by a rival firm. Very scary times but nothin much had change. going back today the manager's in the meeting were talking a whole new language, strange how quickly they have adopted the new companies style. Made me feel even more like a new girl, but I'm sure I'll get on OK.
Today consisted of a 4 1/2 hour management meeting, so at least I am up to date on where we are as a company and the objectives for the year. I'm not back managing a team yet, so have a couple of months of project work to do. I'd much rather manage people!!

Well, I'm knackered, Lee finished at 6pm but no sign of him as yet. He has 1/2 hr before tea will be in the dog...LOL

Have a good evening all, I'm off to catch up on my daytime TV (I love Sky +)

By the way...weight update: Xmas 4lb on, last week lost 1.5lb this week 1Lb. Really need to get back onto the diet!

Now most people would be devasted at that. But after an appointment with my Nephrologist today that is what she said. But at last I have a diagnosis!

I have Loin Pain-Haematuria Syndrome or LPHS, which although gives great amounts of pain and causes my kidney to leak blood is not (at the moment) damaging my kidney.
Thanks to my GP I now have my pain under control a lot of the time, and I have been discharged back into the care of my GP who will monitor my kidney function and alert the hospital if there is any decline in my health.

I still have the bowel problems, and that is ongoing. I am due at the hospital next week for some tests (not go into details!) But my GP thinks this IBD has been ongoing for a number of years so I'll let them sort that.

Meanwhile, tomorrow I am back to work. A back to work interview and then the monthly management meeting till 5pm..... Lovely!

Lee is off today, so we are going to watch 24

Have a good evening

As I said last night Lee was on nights and I was up to no good!

Here's what I did.

Entered a chatroom as my alter ego "suzzeee". Suzzeee was created one drunken night years ago when we first got the internet. We had friends round and I was telling my friend about the chatrooms and the endless men looking for sex. We created a profile and Suzzeee was born.
We used Suzzeee as a project and at the end of the first month we had over 100 pictures of penis's (or is that peni) in various sizes. Why do men feel the need to flash their willies???

Anyhooo:

Last night I entered the chatroom and after 30 personal messages decided to call it a day, winding men up is sooo boring and predictable. Still I have a list of mobile numbers should I ever be single

I then went to watch BB, I don't understand the reasoning behind not having the crowd. I personally do not view Jade as a racist. She is a vile bully who is ignorant to anything other than "jadeworld" and talks before she thinks. Comments have been made on either side, but that doesn't condone her behaviour. I feel had she come out to a booing crowd it may have taught her a lesson. Bullying has gone on in every BB I have watched. It isn't nice to watch, but it's life, and the press giving shock horror headlines is hypocritical (remember these same papers called Jade a "vile fat pig" in 2002)

I was in bed by 11pm, after a nice goodnight chat to my hubby,

Perhaps I'm too old for naughtiness!?!?!?

Well.... it's Friday.

My last as a free person, when every day is the same. this time next week I will have completed my first week at work, and like the rest of you I will be enjoying the end of the working week and looking forward to two days off.

Tonight....I'm bored, Lee is on nights, so I'm up to no good

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Do you cry under water?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Hi all

A mixture of Abi's asthma and my tiredness has kept me away. hope you are all well.

Abi has had three asthma attacks since Saturday, and with Lee on nights I have been going to bed early so I can hear her if she coughs.
Good idea really, cos I am knackered. Had a busy start to week, with going in work and getting stuff sorted to go back. So I am taking it easy for the rest of the week

Good news is my uncle is starting to breathe on his own and the ICU say they will attempt to wake him at the end of the week. Mum has been so worried about him.

Hi all

Having just watched BBLB and Narinda an ex housemate stating that the bullying of Shilpa is racist I wonder what your thoughts are?
One example she gave was that the other female housemates mocked her accent. Yet on last night's show Shilpa and Jermaine were mocking Jo's accent in the way she said "whales" I am not racist and am disgusted by people that are, but why is racism only seen one way??

Your thoughts?

On Saturday we went to a 40th birthday party.

My Cousins birthday and one twin arranged the party without the other knowing. It was a great evening and good to see the family. However the venue was amazing and had to be seen to be believed.

It was held in The Conservative Club, nothing funny there, but as my dad and brother's were both miners and my mum is a member of the Labour Party it isn't a place you would normally see our family
Still Working Mens Clubs are now mainly frequnted by the unemployed so who am I to argue.

The party was in a little room to the side of the bar, which initially I thought to be the function room. Oh no, this was the club's concert room, and came complete with cross eyed pub singer as a turn. When the singer went off we were treat to a game of bingo! Now I love bingo but whenever someone called house they all sang "oh la, oh la, oh la" We were pishing ourselves with laughing!

The bar area was full of the BBC, no there weren't a load of cameramen making a documentary. It was the Blades Business Crew, the hooligan element of Sheffield United. This made Lee quite nervous as he still has a death threat over his head from when we ran the only pub in Sheffield to ever bar his members. But they kept quiet. it was the women who were fighting!!

One of the customers went to the buffet table and began taking all the meat off the sandwiches, leaving the plate full of bread. D (whose party it was) said "I don't mind anyone helping themselves but please take the whole sandwich" Well this girl flipped, dove over the table and tried to attack D. D's hubby removed her from this room and this girl carried on wanting to hit any and everyone, eventually being kicked out.
We fell off our chairs when 1/2 hr later the girls fella came in and picked up a baby seat from under a table, complete with baby that they had forgot!!

We had to leave early as Abi had an asthma attack, as we were leaving the club steward asked if we wanted him to turn on the air conditioning as it may help!!!

We did have a good night though, I love people watching and the place was full of people worth watching. I have to say though, I have been to many parties, sometimes in 5* hotels and none have them have served up food as good as the landlady in this place.

Only bloody work!!!!!!

On Friday 3rd March 2006 I left my position of Customer Service Manager to begin a role of Out of Hours Services Manager (a sideward step due to getting peed off with "backstabbing" on the Insurance side of the business) I went for a meal and a few stellas with colleagues to celebrate, after all I'd moved desks!!!
Saturday morning I woke with kidney pains, and thought perhaps mixing Stella and red wine hadn't helped (NO not in the same glass!!) The pains worsened and so began 10 months of varying pain relief, incompetent doctors and me off sick.

After being really bad at New Year my GP suggested I try a different drug, this acts on the pain receptors in my brain, effectively blocking the pain (No I haven't tried holding my hand over a hot flame to see if it works!!) After two weeks with minimal pain, going from 8 tramadol a day to 6 co co codomol this week I decided I would give work a try.

My trial today consisted of 5 hours at work. I started, once I could get past people saying hi, by having a back to work review with my manager. This was really positive and she made no secret of the fact she wanted me back, but wasn't willing to let my health suffer. We then attended a finance meeting. Before the meeting began the finance director was informed I was there to observe and wouldn't be taking any actions. Well it seems management is like riding a bike! I was questioning the budgets, advising on actions, and even taking notes!

My last hour at work was spent at my PC, deleting the 1500 emails I had received since I lost home access to work emails.

The plan is to see how I feel tonight and tomorrow and if all is ok I will return to work next Monday on a part time basis initially!

Yippppeeeee D

Realised at 6pm yesterday that I hadn't spoken to hubby since he went out to work at 9am, and as he was on 12 hours decided to give him a call. It went like this:

Me "Hi"
Him "Hi"
Me "where are you"
Him " sat on the side of the road at the other end of Donny (doncaster)"
Me "Oh! are you just picking someone up?"
Him "No I was on the way to Hartlepool with a member when we had a mishap, K... has picked up the member and car so I'm calming my nerves before driving back"
Me "Mishap, what sort of mishap, are you ok??"
Him "Yeah, was driving along when the bonnet came up, I'm ok"
Me "Oh ok, is it safe to drive?"
Him " yeah, I have to get the truck back to control, and if they don't have another I may finish early"
Me " Oh good, call me if you need picking up"
Usual round of "love you, love you too" and he was gone.

7.30pm Lee comes home, having been given a lift in another recovery truck.
"oh good" says I, an early finish.
"yes" says he "J (the boss) didn't want me driving after the accident"

ACCIDENT!?!?!?!?

What really happened:

Lee had picked up a member form a service station, attached the vehicle to the wagon and was heading on the A1, in the outside lane, doing, he thinks, about 60mph When the bonnet of the truck flew up and hit the windscreen, breaking the windscreen and blocking his view of the road. Luckily lee managed to slow the truck and a driver in the inside lane spotted what had happened and slowed too. Despite not having any fron view Lee managed to get the truck, complete with car and very worried passengers to the hard shoulder.

Erm..... He called that a mishap!!!

Bloody hell!

ENJOY !!D

On the first day, God created the dog and said:
"Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or
walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years,
and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a
twenty year life span."
The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time
to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?"
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
"You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under
the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer's family. For
this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty
years. How about twenty, and I'll give back the other forty?"
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
"Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you
twenty years."
But man said: "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the
forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog
gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our
family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to
entertain the grandchildren... and for the last ten years we sit on the
front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
Now go forth.

I'm at the hospital today and due to the horrendous parking situation decided to catch the bus or three buses to be exact. Promised mum I would go to see her as I haven't seen her since last week. Here I am, all mi bits washed, clean knickers on, about to exit the door for the walk to mum's and it's bloody snowing!!!!!

Well Abi went back to school again after the two days teacher training. She ran in at 3.30 asked if she could go to her friend B... and ran out. Luckily she came home at 5.30pm herself as I hadn't a chance to tell her. I've asked how school went and she shrugged and said "ok" no worries there then. Oh AND she wore mascara and lip gloss to school today

Ami called, the health visitor has been out, as the weather was so bad Ami hasn't managed to get to the clinic today. Sophie weighs 8lb 6oz and Oskar refused to be weighedD The midwife asked Ami to see her GP as she was concerned Ami may have post natal depression, because she feels low and hasn't been out much since we took her home on Friday. Ami went to the GP who wrote her a prescription for anti depressants!! Now I am not against them, and I myself had PND after Abi, but the bloody man didn't even ask her how she was feeling. Yes, she hasn't been out, it's been bloody raining everyday and she will be feeling a little low; she always is after a trip home. What she needs is someone to take time to listen to her, not give her pills that I feel aren't needed at this stage. Luckily her old Health Visitor was on hand and has told her not to take them and she is going to visit. I really think sometimes GP's are too quick to jump in with drugs. I speak to her everyday, Ivo is very tuned into her fellings and if she was depressed we'd know. Perhaps if the GP could write her a script for the thousands in back pay tax credit she's owed and the family allowance for Sophie (6 weeks) she may feel brighter

TV was good last night, although disturbed by Lee getting a call out, meaning we taped the NHS thing, and I watched Most Haunted (excellent) followed by Shameless which is class!!!

Mum just called and my uncle who has just had an op for colon cancer has taken a turn for the worse and is in theate as I type. My thoughts are with him, it's only last year we went through the same thing with my dad. Fingers crossed hey!

My son has added this to his christmas list!

Find out more here: http://www.apple.com/iphone/

Following the conversation with my consultant's secretary in which she said he would see me "in due course" I wasn't holding out much hope of an early appointment.

Got a letter today, I see him on Thursday, yes, your heard it, thursday of THIS week. Ok, no need to get excited, the man himself may not be there and I may see one of his lakies or registrars as they like to be called. But at least I have an appointment, not bad as my last test was 15th November!

Now all I have to do is to convince them I'm ill............

Did anyone see this last night? The first of a 3 parter, set at my local hospital (the one I refuse to attend) Gave a great insight into why the NHS is failing.

What Gerry found:

Theatres sat empty because "no one wants to work Fridays" - why not? Every other proffession is expected to put in at least a 5 day week.
A chief exec who is so afraid of the consultants that he fails to manage.
Staff who can spot areas for improvement but are ignored by those that can change things.

I wonder if tonight he will mention how much Private work is done by the consultants on NHS time. Perhaps do an old fashioned time and motion study on the consultants?

Find more here:

http://www.open2.net/nhs/about_the_series.html

All

I apologise for not being around, and when I am I don't stay long and may not answer comments or comment. Our broadband resembles a prozzys knickers at the moment (up and down a lot)

Hopefully it will be sorted soon

Teri
x

4lbs on!! Still I look at it that had I not joined SW in the summer I would be at least 2 stone heavier than I am now. Back on diet with a vengance. Spent all day nibbling carrot and fruit, ignoring the biscuits and chocolate yelling at me from the cupboard.

Abi has been home all day, same tomorrow. They go back to school for 3 days then have 2 teacher training days Glad I am still off an not having to juggle childcare.

There was a murder in part of our village last week, 41 year old man killed by a 32 year old woman. I do know the man, both his parents died in a house fire a few years ago, so my heart goes out to his poor brothers and sisters. Much gossip in the village about how and why, but I prefer to ignore it and wait for the facts.

What about Big Brother!!! That Jackie is stirring stuff up a treat, bet those "celebs" have never met anyone like herD

... well three days but seems ages.

Ami n the tots spread the dreaded cold so Matt & Abi have it now, have to keep an eye on Abi in case it triggers her asthma. I got a tummy bug which was horrendous, on a plus, the 6lb I had gained since my last weigh in (beginning of December) have all but gone, and due to not feeling hungry I have managed to steer clear of the mountains of left over chocs etc.

Did the 500 mile round trip to take Ami home, was great to see Oskar's face when he got home and saw his daddy for the first time after almost a week. Ivo had really missed them and it gave me a warm fuzzy feeling to see them as a happy family unit.

Big Brother - Well I wasn't impressed with the first night, usual bunch of misfits. That jackosn blike who thinks everyone is gonna fall at his feet, what that all about??? I missed Thursday's as i was tucked up in bed by 7pm but last nights has reignited my interest, jade Goody had me in stitches so looks like I'll get hooked again.

Well Lee went for his Chest X-Rays today, and confessed he was worried. Now I would have shown some sympathy had he not lit up a fag on the way Obviously I am worried too, but the radiographer said the "opaque" on his previous x ray was probably a slight infection and would probably be gone. Back to the GP in 10 days for the results.

Ami and both tots have runny noses, so the house is overun with snotty tissues, If Ozzy is still the same tomorrow I may have to do a blue peter with some small corks and straws to prevent me having to wipe his nose all day.

Misfits.... no the in laws aren't visiting again Celebrity Big Bro starts tonight. Can't wait to see which ex stars and wannabe stars go through the door. I was going to do a BB blog but I can't be arsed.

Anyhoo, Matt is making tea, Shepherds pie, so I better go and watch he doesn't load it with chilli.

Ah well may as well stick some down.

This year:

I commit to be at my target weight of 10 stone 5.5lbs by at least Spetember 8th (my birthday)

I will join a Gym when back at work and go at least 3 times a week

I will not allow the tw*ts at the NHS to hold my life in there incompetent hands and will reclaim my life and be back in work in some form by March

I will ensure I continue to spend more quality time with Abi when I do return to work

I will blog at least every two days and catch up on friends blogs at least weekly

May add....

But I'm loving it!

Ami and the tots are still here, madam eventually arrived home yesterday afternoon after she called dad to pick her up. The buses weren't running and us adults would have planned ahead but she is only 23!! They had a good night which I'm pleased about. Living so far away from family they never get out together.
I went to bed at 4.30pm, the tiredness and pain too much, Abi woke me at 9.30pm, I went downstairs watched tv till 11pm and went back to bed.
Doctors visit today, rather than up the pain relief we are trying a new tact, one form of anti depressants has a "side effect" in that it causes your pain receptors in your brain to ignore it. Therefore being pain free without the cloud of drugs. Worth a try!
Called the consultant, apparently he has wrote to my GP (no letter there!!) to say the small bowel meal was normal (15th november it was done - thanks for that!) He will see me "in due course" as I have to undergo further tests for an op I am having this year. ON YOUR BLOODY NELLY!!!! The inflammation in my bowel is a totally different thing and he can bloody see me before (march she said!!!) Anyway she said she is sending me an appointment, if it isn't this month then A&E here I come!!!!! I sometimes think because I have a high pain threshold they are happy to leave me be. On the 6th March I will have been off sick for 12 months!!

Anyhoo... rambling on... I promise to catch up on blogs as and when, and I also need to get my nominations in for the Bloscars! Ami goes home Fri so will sort that at the weekend.

Hi all. So it's here, 2007 has arrived. Did it come in with a bang for you or sneak in with a whimper.

I clinked glasses at midnight with Abi, my son Matt and nephew A. The phone rang straight away and it was Lee calling from work, he got called out at 8pm and apart from a brief coffee (and a kiss) at 1am he was out until 5.30am. He came in pee wet through to find me on the settee with Sophie. She's got a cold and really struggled to feed (and sleep) last night. You forget how much work babies are, and combined with being in pain I was regretting offering to babysit by 11pm. Off to bed as soon as Ami gets back from Sheffield!

Anyway, will post later, wanted to say Happy New Year