THE MAYONNAISE JAR AND COFFEE
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar... and the coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an emphatic "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things. Your family, your children, your faith, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions. Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter. Your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

As we are currently testing Windows Vista and cannot replace it due to it "losing" our disk drives, as well as the printer, this is especially true!

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

As you all know by now I am more than familiar with visits to my GP, the bugger must be sick of the sight of me since March!

Hubby had xrays as the doc thinks he has a bit of charlie in his knees (arthritis) and the results were due today. As it was time for my usual doctor certificate, and the usual "ums and Ahhs" appointment we went together. I duly got up at 7.30 am to book the appointments online (beats speaking to the dragons on reception, who would have reacted as though I had requested the blood of their firstborn rather than a double appointment with the only doctor with a clue!)

Anyways, off we trot to the doctors and when the new fangled screen showed my hubbys name (I do miss numbers, with numbers you knew where you were in the queue and if the doctor was running late!) we traipsed into his room. I let hubby go first and he is now on a waiting list to see a specialist (bloody NHS) There is nothing on the x rays, but the GP says his knees creak so he may need physio or injections!

Then comes my turn. The doctor asks how I am and I say, same as usual, as the toilets were broke I couldn't present him my monthly wee sample, but he said as there had been blood present since March he doubted it had disapered. I then informed him of my latest "symptom" I am now getting horrendous pain in the joints of my fingers and toes. He asked when it started and in a bid to work out which day (they all seem the same on my drugs!!) I said to Lee "which morning did I have my tantrum" Lee answered "which one?" The doctor was in fits of hysterics and is now in no doubt that I need sectioning!!!
What I was actually reffering to was Weds morning when I hadn't had a wink of sleep due to pain in my side, my fingers and my toes I broke down in the kitchen as I was unable to make Abi's sarnies. I went to be pulled the quilt over my head and cried for an hour. Lee gave me the phone and told me to call the doctor to which I screamed "what the F**king hell for, it's a waste of time and he's no use" I stayed in bed until lee came back during work to check on me!
I have to admit my illness is havibng an adverse effect on my moods but I didn't think I was that bad!!
Anyways, yet agian the doc is baffled. Possibly I have rhumatoid arthritis (but no swelling?) Gout ??? a sign my kidneys aren't working correctly or it's something viral. After discussing with my GP we have decided to wait and see. I see the kidney specialist next Friday so he will be doing shedloads of bloods and to be honest I couldn't be arsed to be messed about! If it's not connected to my pain I'm really not interested (does that sound strange?)

Anyway on a lighter note! Please do not read on if you have just or are about to eat!
Ami called me on Weds and asked "can you die from eating poo?" I asked "why who has eaten poo?" "well it's not me she replied!" My 11 month old grandson, Oskar, who had been napping had woken up and decided to strip. He has a habit of doing it so she normally puts pull up nappies on him! He had got his dirty nappy off and when she heard him laughing she went into the bedroom to find him, his bedding and the cot, covered in poo. He had handfuls of the stuff and was happily munching away. She whisked him up and dumped him in the bath running the shower over him. He was most distressed! not at the shower, but at the fact that she had taken his snack away!!

Yuck! One to tell the girls when he is 18!!!

I got this on an email, the email states it is a true story (aren't they all) However I liked it so much I wanted to share!

This scene took place on a BA flight between Johannesburg, South Africa and London, England.

A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man.

Obviously disturbed by this, she called the air hostess. "You obviously do not see it then?" she responded.
"You placed me next to a black man. I do not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."
"Be calm please," the hostess replied.
"Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available."

The hostess went away and then came back a few minutes later.
"Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in the Economy Class.
I spoke to the captain and he informed me that there is also no seat in the Business Class.
All the same, we still have one place in the First Class."
Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued.
"It is not usual for our company to permit someone from the Economy Class to sit in the First Class.
However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be
scandalous to make someone sit next to someone sooooo disgusting."

She turned to the black guy, and said, "Therefore, Sir, if you would
like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First Class."
At that moment, the other passengers, who'd been shocked by what they had
just witnessed, stood up and applauded.